Scraps of Paper
by DSieya
Summary: A collection of Sheldon and Penny drabbles. sheldon/penny, friendship, romance, angst, alcohol use, fluff, language, etc. UPDATE: Chapter Six, 3.18 The Pants Alternative, 88 words.
1. Monday Panties

**Originally written 11/19/2009 and posted at Paradox, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal community, for the post-TADD Drabble-A-Thon on the prompt: **"Which panties do you wear on Mondays?" **(And yes I realize that some are a bit long to _really _count as drabbles, but on LJ it counts if it fits in one comment box, so, yeah. :) )**

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Penny wasn't sure what was it that caused Sheldon to think it was alright to go through a woman's underwear drawer on not one but two separate occasions. She had awakened the next morning feeling exceptionally groggy and not... really remembering what happened the night before. Then, of course, she had moved, and her arm hurt like a bitch, and most everything came back.

Her first action had been to drag herself out of bed and across the suspiciously clean floor, into her bathroom so she can fill up the tub and just lay in hot water for a good long while. Upon carefully lifting herself out (breathing a sigh of relief when both feet safely hit her bathroom mat) and drying herself off, she had walked back into her bedroom to start the process of getting dressed.

This was when she hit the underwear drawer.

And it was terrifying. Just a little.

All of her underwear—all twenty-some pairs plus ten or so bras—was folded and laid into seven neat rows. Each row had a color scheme—neutrals, then red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and violet.

Penny was able to tell that Sheldon had been in a dilemma with how much underwear to put in each row, as she had seven pairs of red underwear and only like two pairs of green underwear, so the colors rolled over into different days until each row had the same amount of underwear.

Her bras were divided less evenly, and the Sunday slot didn't have a bra at all because there was no purple bra to match with the purple Sunday underwear. In place of a bra, in fact, was a piece of paper with a question mark on it.

Mouth hanging open, Penny spent a few good minutes—literally, minutes—staring at her Sheldonized lingerie collection.

Sheldon had been adorable last night. Yes, adorable. She vaguely remembered forcing him to sing Soft Kitty and to stay until she fell asleep and he had done so with very little complaint. She owed a lot to him, but she also knew that if she let _this_ slide she was just begging for him to come in again and to a similarly horrifying organization of her box of tampons or something.

Not even bothering to dress, Penny managed with one arm to sling her purple robe onto her good arm, keeping her bad arm close to her rib cage and simply wrapping the robe around it. She had to use her teeth to tie the cord. Then she grabbed a handful of what Sheldon had deemed her Thursday underwear and marched across the hall.

Sheldon was awake and eating a bowl of cereal in his spot. When Penny entered, he jumped like eight miles into the air, craned his neck to look at her, opened his mouth, closed it, and gaped. She marched over to him, stopping behind his spot on the couch, and dropped her underwear on top of his head. One green thong landed right on top of his cereal. Sheldon tore his gaze from her and could do little but stare at his ruined food in horror.

"You were a sweetie last night," she said, "but next time you touch my underwear, I swear to you, it'll turn up in places you _never thought it would_." And, after a particularly evil thought, she added, "And who knows if it'll be clean."

Then she leaned forward and kissed the top of his head, feeling smug.

Sheldon snapped his gaze back to her. His eyes flickered downward for a moment, he blushed, they flickered back up, he cleared his throat, and he spoke, his voice a little strangled: "Penny—"

"Sorry, Sheldon, have to get dressed!"

Smirking, she turned around and swept back into her apartment, feeling immensely proud of herself.

It was when she went to take off her robe that she realized what had caused Sheldon to be so oddly quiet even after her undergarments landed in his food. She hadn't done the cord properly. And certain things—popped out.

"Son of a _bitch_!"


	2. Frozen

**Originally written 12/06/2009 and posted at Chaos Theory, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal drabble community on the prompt: **Han and Leia.

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"I love you."

It was the first time he had said it. But three years with him, she had been able to taste it in his mouth, see it in his hands, feel it in his weight.

But.

"I know," she said, but allowed herself to be led away.


	3. A Sober Person's Thoughts

**Originally written 12/06/2009 and posted at Chaos Theory, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal drabble community, on the prompt: **Sisters.

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"One, two, three—" they said together.

Penny tilted back her head and threw the shot of vodka to the back of her throat, cringed, and chased it immediately with an orange slice. (The slice was pre-peeled, because apparently Missy didn't like to eat oranges off the peel. It was in moments like that that Penny realized that Missy was actually Sheldon's sister.)

She opened her eyes to see Missy with her eyes screwed shut, shaking her head lightly as if that would get rid of the taste. It made Penny dissolve into giggles. "Here here here!" She pushed the plate of oranges toward the brunette a little too enthusiastically, knocking a few magazines off the coffee table.

"Mama'd have my _hide_ if she ever saw me doing this," Missy finally managed to choke out after gulping down not one but three orange slices. Penny had no response to this so she patted Missy's wrist a little clumsily.

She was in that very pleasant place between a light buzz and full-on drunkenness, and from the way Missy was giggling she suspected that the other woman was in the same place. The girl was a trooper. She had matched Penny shot for shot. Yeah, okay, Penny only filled Missy's shot glass three-quarters of the way, but still. This was pretty good for a woman who hadn't tossed shots before.

"It feels _so good_ to be doing this with a girl. Someone my age. A girl my age." A thought struck her, and Penny leaned forward, balancing herself with a hand placed on the edge of the couch, and whispered conspiratorially, "_I got your brother drunk_!"

"What?!"

"He ended up belting out show tunes!"

Missy leaned into the arm of the couch, laid her head down on it, and laughed and laughed. Penny envied her ability to still be intensely attractive while drunk and laughing.

After a while the two of them stopped giggling, and Penny went on as if there was no interruption. "God, you know, I had _nooooo_ fucking idea what I was getting myself into when I met him."

She ate another orange slice.

"Ah don't know how ya put up with him. Voluntarily, that is."

Penny chuckled. "Your accent. Like, no, seriously. I'm jealous. Sheldon barely has one unless he's like surprised by something, or something."

"By something, or something," Missy repeated, laughing.

"Yeah, well, anyway," Penny said, picking up the bottle and haphazardly pouring two more shots full to the brim and spilling a little. Oops. "The day I moved in here and met him and Leonard, I was thinking, oh my God, these guys are _freaking geniuses_. But they were, like, nice, and stuff, and I'd just broken up with Kurt you know—"

"Ass," Missy interjected. They had already exchanged stories on horrible ex-boyfriends.

"Yeah, he so was." Penny nudged Missy's glass toward her, and they simultaneously took another shot of vodka. It barely tasted anymore, but Penny ate an orange anyway. "But, anyhow, Sheldon. Yeah. He was pretty cool, and lemme tell you something, before I figured out he was crazy, I was like, hey, for a lanky dude he's pretty hot!" Penny laughed, and waited for Missy to join in on the joke, but she caught sight of Missy's face. Her eyebrows were both raised high in an expression eerily reminiscent of Sheldon's. And she was staring.

Shit. Backtrack.

"I mean. Then. You know, he turned crazy. Not that I still don't sometimes think he's hot—oh, _fuck_!"

She covered her face with her hands, and then peeked through her fingers. Missy was still staring, the look on her face the exact same as before, except she was beginning to smile.

"You're not going to remember this in the morning," Penny warned.

"Oh, I am."


	4. The Will

**Originally written 1/30/2010 and posted at Paradox, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal community, in response to a comment left on one of my stories: **"Makes me want to take a peek at his living will; see what else he may want to leave to her."

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Dear Penny: assuming that I am presently dead and that you have borne my heir, your legal rights will be afforded to you accordingly. Assuming that you have _not_ borne my heir, I leave you the following legacy:

A lifetime subscription to BuyMilkOnline. com  
The snake can  
The Flash action figure  
The left side of the couch  
An updated organizational schematic for your closet and dressers, including an algorithm that can account for future purchases.  
These adhesive stickers  
The order code for my sperm (should you ever desire to become pregnant with a child who has the potential to succeed beyond the level of an oral hygienist)  
AND: A letter (enclosed) advising you on all the reasons to not continue or resume a romantic relationship with Leonard.

You're welcome.


	5. A Sober Person's Words

**Written for Red Bess Rackham, for being a very awesome reviewer. It's really the least I could do. A sequel to my chapter two drabble: **_**A Sober Person's Thoughts**_**.**

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Missy wasn't above throwing words out there and letting the dust settle itself. She'd watched far too many of her girlfriends agonizing over men or over their families or over jobs, and sometimes, the best thing was to just put it on out there and get it over with already.

And when _that_ was the case, and when her friends were too chicken to do it themselves, Missy saw it as her lot.

She woke up the morning after drinking with Penny feeling fine; Penny laughed off her lack of a 'hangover' as beginner's luck and said that her time would come. Missy just smiled over the rim of her mug and didn't say anything; she wasn't particularly good at keeping secrets.

The two of them lazed around Penny's apartment until noontime, finishing off _Love, Actually_ ("You haven't seen this?!" Missy recalled Penny screeching the night before) before heading over to the boys' for lunch.

All four boys were suspiciously assembled, and all of them glanced around at Penny and Missy entering. It made Missy uncomfortable, but Penny didn't seem to notice.

Sheldon didn't even greet them as they came in, but she saw him glance at Penny and stare at her momentarily before wordlessly setting up her plate. He didn't even do that for _her_, his own sister. Yup, this was definitely the right choice.

"Sooo..." the little boy she recognized as Howard spoke. "Did anything _interesting _happen last night? Like what happens when two young, virile, attractive, open-minded women are drunk, horny, and lonely together?"

Lord help them.

"Shut it, Howard," came Penny's weary voice; to Missy's affronted look, she said, "Ignore him, he really can't help it."

"Oh, I'll ignore _him_ alright."

Penny glared at her suspiciously.

"Up, you," she ordered Howard, who was sitting on the couch. He jumped up and made a show of offering his seat.

Missy sat with a 'Thank you,' (her manners were more reflexive than anything), and smiled over at Penny, who was sitting next to Sheldon in the middle seat.

Penny looked back at her uncomfortably, then glanced at Sheldon, then glanced back at Missy, then glared.

"Sooo, Shelly," Missy started, leaning forward. Sheldon and Penny shot her scarily identical suspicious looks.

"Missy," Penny growled.

"Penny n' I were chattin' last night—"

"_Missy_."

Missy edged away from Penny as she finished, "And, 'pparently, for a lanky dude, you're pretty 'hot'."

Grinning, she sat back in her seat, watching everyone react around her, and waited for the dust to settle.


	6. States of Undress

**Originally written 3/22/2010 and posted at Paradox, the Sheldon/Penny LiveJournal community, in response to episode 3.18 The Pants Alternative. Basically, yeah, sue me, I'm a red-blooded female.**

**WARNING: SPOILERS FOR 3.18.  
**

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Penny thinks that Sheldon walking out of his bedroom with his hair mussed, eyes shadowed, and tie loosened is sorta what Sheldon would look like walking out of his bedroom after sex.

And then Sheldon leaning against the podium with a smirk, and then taking off his pants without tripping over them is sorta what he would look like when he's about to _have_ sex.

Basically, Penny's trying to figure out why she keeps thinking about Sheldon and his appearance before or after sex.

...Or, you know, during.


End file.
